Coaching Process (2)

Another phase in the coaching process is the 'honeymoon' phase, where everything is exciting and full of energy. It is laying the foundation before the hard stuff will be tackled. The real work begins after the honeymoon phase. So building trust is important and using the time to get to know the process. Also easy stuff and actions first.

There will be a shift in the balance of who is driving the sessions. After the honeymoon phase the client drives. A coach can tell her client that she expects him to drive more and more.

Challenges for the coach in the honeymoon phase:

• to get the relationship working
• to keep the phase short
• sometimes the honeymoon comes back every session first
  

Coaching Process (1)

The start of the coaching process is focused on:

• building a relationship and confidence,
  
• setting the foundation,
  
• creating trust and credibility,
  
• clarifying roles and responsibilities,
• exitement for the client, seeing opportunities ahead
• introduction of structure and method
• expectation setting.

For the coach the challenges in the beginning are:

• asking the right questions
• a client who doesn't know what to be coached on
• a client who describes his goal in terms of 'should' (red flag!)
• a client with a hidden agenda (possible with executive coaching)
  

Underlying Automatic Commitments (UAC) (2)

IDENTIFY

1. Identify your negative life patterns (lifetraps – see for examples the Universal Lifetraps p2). As it is common for people to have more than one negative life pattern, start with the pattern that has a high presence in your life.
   
   

SURRENDER

2. Question your lifetrap: as long as you believe in your own lifetrap, you are unable to change it with the negative self-defeating life pattern as a result. To do this create a list with all 'evidence' pro and con your lifetrap. Prove your arguments! What happens now with your assumptions, opinions and beliefs?
   

ESCAPE

3. Study into detail how you continually sabotage your attempts to get away of your negative life pattern: what are your reactions to certain situations? How do you respond? How could you change your behaviour?
   
   

COUNTER-ATTACK

4. Break through your pattern. Now that you have identified your lifetrap, you are able to make a choice whether or not to remain a 'victim' of it, or take responsibility by addressing it. Challenge yourself to break through your pattern 3 times in the coming week by testing your own suggestions to change as identified in step 3. Afterwards: What happened? What are your experiences?
   
   

CELEBRATE

4. Take some time to celebrate your achievements! Working on your negative life patterns requires persistance and commitment to reflect upon your own behaviour. You're on your way, so you deserve a great treat!
   
   
   

Universal Lifetraps

"Please Don't Leave Me!": The Abandonment Lifetrap

You have the feeling that the people you love most will abandon you or will die. You hang on to them and get angry if you get the feeling that they reject you, but that's causing you to push them away.

"I Can't Trust You": The Mistrust and Abuse Lifetrap

You are convinced that people will hurt you or abuse you. You are hiding behind a wall of mistrust to protect yourself.

"I'll Never Get the Love I Need": The Emotional Deprivation Lifetrap

You think that nobody really loves you or understands your feelings. You are attracted to people who are quite coolly and reserved and that's how you are too. You feel angry, lonely and hurt.

"I Don't Fit In": The Social Exclusion Lifetrap

You feel isolated, you don't belong to a specific group. You avoid groups or friends. You feel unwanted and lonely.

"I Can't Make It on My Own": The Dependence Lifetrap

You don't feel able to survive without the help of others. You are searching for people who can direct you and giving them the responsibilities of your life.

"Catastrophe Is About to Strike": The Vulnerability Lifetrap

You are living with the fear that disaster can strike any moment. Life doesn't feel safe, you are very scared. You have always been very protected in your life.

"I'm Worthless": The Defectiveness Lifetrap

You feel damaged from the inside and believe that you are not worth to be loved; you are ashamed of yourself. You expect rejection and are afraid of intimacy.

"I Feel Like Such a Failure": The Failure Lifetrap

You think that you are not able to achieve something. You blow your failures out of proportions and sabotage yourself.

"I Always Do It Your Way": The Subjugation Lifetrap

Out of guilt or fear you push away your own desires and put those of others first. You build relationships with dominant, prevailing people or with people who didn't get their share in life and who haven't much to offer you.

"It's Never Quite Good Enough": The Unrelenting Standards Lifetrap

You are striving for the highest achievements possible and are very critical. Less than the top isn't good enough, actually nothing is good enough, really.

"I Can Have Whatever I Want": The Entitlement Lifetrap

You always want to have it your way and think that your needs are more important than those of others. You are impulsive and don't have much self-discipline. You feel undervalued.

Resources: Opzij (March 2008), Yeffrey E. Young & Janet S. Klosko: How to break free from negative life patterns?