Effective feedback

Giving effective and good feedback is a very important skill for a coach: when applied appropriately, feedback can open up whole new opportunities for you. A good coach will ask you for permission to give feedback: "May I give you some feedback on this issue?"

Feedback is not offering an opinion. It is neutral and objective and does not contain judgment. Sometimes feedback can be hard. Your coach will then try to prepare you before she is giving the feedback (and after asking permission first!): "My feedback is not meant to be embarrassing, but can be hard for you".

The following is an example of good effective feedback:
Coach: "I have noticed that you are not returning your coaching forms. Furthermore you are calling in late and you haven't done all of the tasks we agreed on. What do you think your level of commitment is at the moment? Do you think it is a good time for you to be coached?

Feedback is about simply telling you what has been observed. The coach states what they notice and then listens to your response to follow up even further.

Trial session (2)

As you probably know a trial session is almost a 'must' to learn more about what coaching can mean for you personally. It is a taste really of what you can expect from your coach. But more important, it's also about a match between you and your coach: does it feel right with this person?

In case your coach to be is a friend of yours, you both have to define what the coaching relationship will look like. But again it has to feel right! The coach must suit the client and vice versa. If not, you are better off with someone else with a different style.

We want action (2)!

Getting back to Sandra with her desire to write a book but not taking the time to actually do it (see post: We want action!), after her coaching session she went through a pattern of emotions: she felt vulnerable by sharing her thoughts and fears about being judged, she got angry with herself about not finishing her book, she went through a stage of realisation and in the end was quite grateful for going through this process. And that all within 1 week time.

Your coach has a range of power tools available that she can use to get you into action. Some examples:

• Showing you that you are Responding vs Reacting. When you are reacting on a situation you are in a passive mode, and not taking responsibility for your actions. Whereas you are responding in a situation you are in control, even reframing perhaps and willing to create action. An example: your manager gives you the role of project manager of a specific project, but you have to meet almost impossible deadlines. A rushed feeling can be a reaction to this situation, as well as acceptance and trying to get all the work done in time, although you know that you have to work long hours and stretch yourself and your project team. A response can be that you go to your manager and discuss with him his project management methods and setting these tight deadlines, which make it very difficult for you to operate as a project manager.
  
  
• Goal setting can move people into action but also stop them. How often do you set goals but don't get into action? The goals must be realistic and achievable and you still will need some structures in place to get there.
  
  
• Very powerful to get people into action is to show them that you believe in their capabilities and that you value what they do. How have you felt when others have encouraged you to take action when you doubted your strength, or ability in a specific area? I bet you felt very strong, valued and got heaps of motivation to start that specific activity.
  
  
• Focusing on your strengths instead of your weaknesses will support you and make you think positive about your abilities. Thinking of my own personal strengths gives me the following top 10 (which people may add to :-)) and contributes to the motivation of achieving one of my goals for this year to set up my coaching business:
  

1. determined
2. focused
3. patient
4. innovative
5. action-oriented
6. positive
7. creative
8. analytical
9. organised
10. mood-sensitive

• And furthermore: to get into action you need a strong support team to engage with to support you in achieving your goals!
  

We want action!

When you're seeing your coach you're paying for action. For the changes you go through and the goals you achieve. But a lot of coaching is actually not about goals. Action is not always obvious or visible. Something could get in the way of action, an interference. This can be a thing, an emotion, circumstances, your perspective.

An example: Sandra has a goal, she wants to finish the book she is writing by the end of the year. She only needs 3 more weeks time to finish it and she already has written 40 pages. But writing always ends up at the bottom of her to do list. She doesn't see it happening this year (and it's only January!). Something is interfering with her goal.
After a couple of questions it looks like Sandra fears exposing herself to the outside world, the book is quite personal. This is about fear of judgement. But when she doesn't finish her book she will be unhappy!
After a couple more (action-related) questions Sandra comes timidly up with the idea of creating 1 spare hour a day to work on her book. It doesn't look like this is going to work. The action comes too early, she is not ready to commit herself to it. Sandra first needs to work on her fear of judgement. As long as that is interfering with the desire to finish her book, there is no need in picking up the writing. This session is for Sandra about awareness raising.

Your coach will show you that a lot of your interferences and thoughts are illusions and made-up by yourself. In Sandra's case the judgement has not even happened yet! But it's witholding her from writing her book and enjoying it. It is not always possible to take immediate action. Action is not always the thing we're after in coaching.

Reframe your perspective

Everyone has a certain view on the world, a perspective. Compare it with a filter or sunglasses through which you see the world. Your perspective determines your experiences in life. Once you understand and recognise that you have a perspective, you can take responsibility for the reception of your 'truth'. It gives you the power to change your perspective and to choose a new perspective. It gives you the power to turn something negative eventually into something positive, to transform yourself from survivor into driver. Into someone who is in control and takes responsibility for his own actions.

And this is the hart of reframing: if you master the art of reframing your perspective you are able to be more successful. Commonly used frames are: 'I'm a victim', 'what's in it for me?' 'It's not my fault', 'I can't help it'.
Which perspective is currently hindering you? Which perspective would enable you to reach your goals?

Your coach doesn't want to dig deeper into your problems. Coaching is focusing on solutions, focusing on the future instead of what lies behind you. This solution-centrered perspective has a huge impact on the questions your coach will be asking you, like: what are you doing already to improve your situation? And your coach will try with you to change your perspective on something that is causing you problems.

A Taste: The Trial Session

A trial session is a perfect instrument to get a taste for what coaching can mean for you as a client. Without any obligations you'll get the opportunity to learn to know the person behind the coach and the coach's approach to find out whether there is a 'fit'. In a trial session you usually start with sharing some background information to build the relationship. And to get the coaching session started there are some great questions which help you focus, like the following:

• What is the one goal you would like to achieve in the next thirty days?
• What have you always wanted to do that you've never done?
• If you don't win the lottery, what will you do with your life?

In trying to answer one of the above questions goals, dreams and passions will become visible. Your coach will help you clarifying these and defining the one thing you would like to work on right now. Together you'll set up a structure to achieve the goal and define the steps that you need to take to achieve this goal.

As this is your first taste of a real coaching session you'll be asked for feedback whether you found the coaching valuable and whether you are willing to commit to taking the defined steps and achieving your goal. If yes then there really was a match between the client and the coach: the client agrees that coaching could make a strong positive impact in their life and the coach would love to support the client on achieving their goals.

Be aware of the fact that coaching can take place in a face to face situation, but more and more happens through the telephone! That opens possibilities, doesn't it? If you happen to be in The Netherlands and your coach in New Zealand the only challenge you have to face is finding a suitable time slot :-)

The client in control

Clients are in control of their own coaching and learning process. As a coach I don't set the agenda, I ask 'what would you like to be coached on today?'. How much the coach has the desire to 'help' the client, it is the client's life and he or she doesn't want to live my life. It is totally unimportant what I myself should do, should I be in the same situation as my client. I don't come up with solutions, I listen very carefully to what is being said (and what not) instead.
Very important is the ability to be non-judgemental. Our judgements and opinions are about ourselves and our own life-journey, not about the person being coached.