The art of coaching

Coaching is not about having the right questions. It is about giving your client 1 hour of your life. Listening unconditionally without judgment. The coach's main concern should be the clients performance, not her own. Don't start to act as a consultant, don't come up with solutions. Give the client an hour of silence that they can fill themselves; as a coach you are totally there for your client.

Trust yourself and get started!

In my second coaching session with Emma (me being the client) we talked about who my ideal client would be. Ofcourse I didn't have an answer on that question, but we unravelled a few things:

• That real estate salespeople have their own specialisation: they work either in the residential sales area, rural or commercial field. Who do I want to serve? Food for thought.
• That my plan is to offer my services to the average real estate salesperson, the top agent, their management and groups of salespersons. Is there something these target groups have in common? Do I need to address them differently? Do I want to focus on just one of those groups? More food for thought.

Furthermore I am working on my business plan right now and feel the need for a planning & timeline to work out when I want to be in business. Does everything need to be in place to start my business or is it ok to just start with the things that come first? With this I mean that I want to enter my market by approaching real estate companies and offer to do a presentation or a workshop in their monthly staff meetings. Do I want to make an appointment with one of these companies already and jumpstart my business? Or am I holding back? Food for thought...

And I've got a challenge: I have to call at least 2 people who I will offer my coaching services (pro bono). EEKS!!! But I have 2 people in mind, so let's go for it!

Coaching Model (3)

Again, a coaching model is there to offer structure to the coach. But a coach shouldn't stick to a coaching model too much. If a client wants to achieve a certain goal and is working on that with his coach, it could very well be that halfway the coaching process a shift takes place towards a slightly different goal. Goals are forever changing, therefore the coach must be flexible with goals and the way her coaching model deals with goal-setting and goal-achieving.
A very powerful question for a client who want to reach a specific goal is: 'what is stopping you from achieving your goal?'

A coach has to let go of the idea of 'the coaching has to come from me', 'I have to be good this session', 'I have to plan the whole coaching session, I have to be prepared'. The source of these thoughts are fear of lack of control and lack of faith in her own abilities. Coaches must be able to just let go. A coaching model can undermine natural and just in time coaching by giving too much structure.
Also clients don't always come to the session and tell their coach where to go today. So it is important to do what is right at the time; it is not necessary to have a pre-defined model and coaching process.

Trust vs Doubt

Your own judgments and those from others are a source of doubt. You can hear other people say to you: 'do you think you can do that?', 'can you really make a living out of coaching?'. People tell you all the time what you should do. A coach can help you to trust yourself by empowering you to stay away from doubts.

People who complain about something are a great opportunity for coaches: there is a conversation that could be had and a chance to reframe someone's perspective on a specific situation.

My niche

The ICA coaches are being encouraged to focus on a specific target group and to narrow down their prospective market within the field they want to be coaching.
In other words: coaches have to identify a niche. Some examples: a lifecoach who is coaching married couples, a business coach who focusses on retail marketing, an executive coach dealing with executives who are travelling much and have difficulties to keep fit, a spiritual coach who is targeting ministers (church).

For some coaches it will be quite obvious what their niche will be, because they have been around in a particular field themselves in a certain role. For others identifying their niche can be a real journey.
From a marketing point of view having a niche is as good as gold! As soon as you know your target market you can start communication with this target market with the right tools and instruments.

Talking about niches: my own niche will be the New Zealand Real Estate Industry, with real estate salespersons and management being the target groups. Abstract from my business plan:

Tall Tree Coaching aims to deliver one-on-one and group coaching targeting real estate professionals working for real estate companies in New Zealand.

People working in the (New Zealand) real estate industry as salespersons all own their own sole-trader business and have a contract with one real estate company to list and sell properties for this specific company.

Real estate salespersons are available 24/7 for their businesses, a source of work-life balance frictions. Only a few make it to the top and 80% of the new salespersons quit in their first year of operating their business. The profession is mainly commission-based, which creates a highly competitive working environment, not just between companies but also between salespersons working in the same branch.

Coaching Model (2)

In search for a suitable coaching model for a coach it is important that it is their natural model. A coach must do what comes naturally to her and she shouldn't stick too much to the model - that shouldn't be the focus.

To find a good coaching model the coach can start with thinking of how she wants to set up the coaching session, and what is absolutely necessary for her to happen in every session. Central in a session could be:

• clarity
• getting the story
• listen a lot
• silence
• action
• goal setting
• etc.

Coaching Model

Most coaches work with their own or an existing coaching model. Quite often the coach will choose a model that suits the client, which makes the model different every time.
A clear coaching model is a good instrument for the coach to market herself, as coaches usually work very intuitively and the model helps to explain to the client what the coach is doing.
The model works on the other hand beneficial for the coach as well: it provides her with a structure and creates a framework for the sessions. It builds confidence. But for the client the coaching style is much more important than the coaching model.

An example of a very simple coaching model (the simpler the better!):

• Where are we now?
• What do you (client) want to achieve?
• What is getting in the way?

There are literally hundreds and hundreds of coaching models available - as it is quite difficult to interpret someone else's model most coaches prefer to develop their own. But there are also training organisations that believe in and teach just 1 model. Those coaches will become one with their coaching model and will use their model to market themselves: 'Solution Focussed Therapy/Coaching', Transformative-developmental coach', etc.

One of the graduation requirements for me is the development of my own coaching model.

I have found my own coach

I have also had a trial session with another coach - afterwards I was ready for a shower, because I've experienced myself that being coached is really hard work! As a client you do at least 80% of the talking plus all the thinking that comes with coaching.

At the end of the trial session my coach Emma and I decided that we could go forward with each other in a coaching relationship. She will be my coach for 12 sessions and we'll focus on establishing my coaching business.

I am getting lots of inspiration having a coach like Emma myself, not in the least related to the coaching method and tools Emma is using: she has sent me a welcome pack with:

• information about her coaching process and style, so I know what I can expect of her and what is expected from me
• policies and procedures
• the coaching agreement
• a client intake form (questionnaire)
• a session preparation form - to be submitted before every coaching session

Well, I am looking forward to our next session!

My own very first trial session

Today I have had my first trial session, in the role of a client. One of the graduation requirements is that every student needs to be coached by at least one student coach for the duration of 12 sessions.

In a trial session the client and the coach try to find out whether there could be a fruitful coaching relationship, while at the same time the client gets a taste of what coaching can do for him.

I wanted to be coached on building my coaching business, so that was the focus of this trial session. My coach asked me various (difficult!) questions, like:

• what do you want to accomplish with your business?
• what are your goals?
  
• what are the tools you will need?
• what is your niche?
• how do you want to enter the market?

Of course do most questions need some fieldwork as I do not have all the answers yet. But that is exactly what coaching is for in my case: to help me step by step through my business building process.

It was great to experience coaching in action and being on the other side - as a client. I became very aware of the fact that as a client it is necessary to commit yourself to the coaching process and the fieldwork that comes out of it as a result. No way that you are going to achieve your goals otherwise! You have to work for it. So as a client you need to reserve time to actually work on your goals!

It is up to me now whether I want to continue with this coach. I will be having another trial session with a different coach later this week, but this has been a great experience already.

Effective feedback (2)

Not many people can give good feedback. Quite often it is too rude, judgmental and subjective. Especially written feedback can be really difficult to give, because it is black and white and without any non-verbal expressions.
Be brave and learn from any feedback - positive and negative - by choosing what part of the feedback you'll accept.

One way of giving feedback is that your coach states what she's just observed, but also adds to that the impact the information or behaviour had. And by asking you: "Was it what you intended to have?". If not, you can work on changing your behaviour.

Role-play is another technique in providing you feedback. This way you can easily practice a difficult conversation for example. You can play yourself or you can play the person you want to have a conversation with and your coach will play the role of you. Role-playing works great to face your worst fear. You play your future self against your present self which will give you an authentic experience. It helps you to prepare for any eventuality. You can play the same conversation over and over again or with different possible reactions. And if you want to your coach can video or record the conversations for you to take home and digest.