Goal Setting

If goals are not aligned with our values, we hear a lot of 'shoulds'.

To help the client with setting a structure to clarify their goals, we could ask them to describe them in a SMART way:

S= Specific. This can be done by letting the client describe the goal into smaller steps, to visualise the endpoint, to 'start close at home', to let them talk about their needs and values. A question to ask is 'what do you want the job / life / desired situation to give you?'

M= Measuable. If you don't make a goals measurable, how will you know you've achieved it? To do this you need to get the 'ingredients' of the goal. For example, if someone wants to 'get more clarity in life' then they need to clarify what would be different when they have achieved this.

A= Achievable. The role of the coach here is to check with the client if the goal is achievable by asking how the are going to achieve it. It is not our role to tell the client that a goal seems unachievable to us - that would be a projection of our judgments. But with the right questions the client can very well find out themselves whether a goal is achievable or not.

R= Realistic. We can let the client explore the spectrum of their goal; for example, we can ask someone who wants to get 12 paying clients in the coming month 'what if you would coach 3 /6 /9/12/15 clients? A visualisation can be made about the realism of this goal.

T= Time. This means we ask our clients 'by when' do you want to achieve this goal?

Acknowledgement

Acknowledging someone is giving feedback on that that person has done something that is worth noticing. It is celebrating the process a client goes through, the results are not always the most important things.
Acknowledgment adds momentum and goes beyond compliments (as these are subjective) - it is about enabling the client to take action, to get in a positive and upwards spiral.

Some people don't have the ability to celebrate their own achievement, are unable to accept acknowledgment, feedback and compliments. Don't have an expectation of a specific reaction when acknowledging someone, just do it.

A story: a teacher asks the class a question. They all raise their hands and are willing to answer the question. Because with every answer the teacher acknowledges his students with: "Wow, I hadn't thought of it that way!". He is praising their own thinking.

Other words to acknowledge someone than "I would like to acknowledge you for ..." are:

• Wow, that seems like you have done a lot of work!
• Look how amazing this is what you have done!
• Good for you!
• Look what you have accomplished related to a month ago!
  

Quick coaching

Below is a model that can be used for a quick coaching experience during a trial session - individually or in a group.

Box 1	Box 2	Box 3	Box 4	Box 5
Write down a goal you have. It can be a goal from any area of your life, a goal that feels important to you.	For how long have you had this goal? A month, a year, several years or all of your life?	This far, what has been your greatest obstacle in achieving this goal?	What specific activities have you undertaken during the last 24 hours in order to achieve your goal?	You might need to give this a bit more thought. What is it with this goal that makes you want to achieve it? How does it make you feel when you achieve this goal?
Look at your goal again. You don’t have to tell me what it is.	Have you been thinking about your goal for a long time? Has it often been on your mind?	Have you come with excuses or blamed yourself or others for not reaching the goal? Let’s go to #4 instead. This box is not so fun to stay in.	Has the goal been so important to you that you recently have made changes to your lifestyle in order for you to get on step closer to your goal?	Again, how does it feel when you achieve this goal? Isn’t it so that this is what you truly want, your real goal? Could this be an important value in your life?

Afterwards ask:

• 
  

• What is a step you can take during the coming month in order to move closer to achieving your goal?

• How does this all feel so far?

Goals and values

As a coach, we support our clients in creating value-based goals. Before any goals can be set, the client must first determine what their values are. By creating goals based on our values we ensure the optimal return on our investment of time and energy, because our success will be in the areas that matter the most to us.

Quite often people make goals for themselves that are not aligned to their values. They may feel pressure from others such as family, friends and peers. Making a goal because it is expected of you is unlikely to result in success and joy.

How to align values and goals? By asking over and over again 'what is important about achieving this goal?'. The criterias that clients use are their values. And bringing that insight to clients about what their true values are will support clients in chosing their own goals.

Action vs Delay

Action is the root to change. Action makes the process move forward. Action creates more action - it reduces doubt and improves trust. Life and energy are being created.
Action is only possible when you are fully committed - if people want to be coached they are ready for change. If you are stuck, any action not related to your goal is good to open a window to a solution. It gives you momentum.

Sometimes it would be good to slow down action, though...

We want action (2)!

Getting back to Sandra with her desire to write a book but not taking the time to actually do it (see post: We want action!), after her coaching session she went through a pattern of emotions: she felt vulnerable by sharing her thoughts and fears about being judged, she got angry with herself about not finishing her book, she went through a stage of realisation and in the end was quite grateful for going through this process. And that all within 1 week time.

Your coach has a range of power tools available that she can use to get you into action. Some examples:

• Showing you that you are Responding vs Reacting. When you are reacting on a situation you are in a passive mode, and not taking responsibility for your actions. Whereas you are responding in a situation you are in control, even reframing perhaps and willing to create action. An example: your manager gives you the role of project manager of a specific project, but you have to meet almost impossible deadlines. A rushed feeling can be a reaction to this situation, as well as acceptance and trying to get all the work done in time, although you know that you have to work long hours and stretch yourself and your project team. A response can be that you go to your manager and discuss with him his project management methods and setting these tight deadlines, which make it very difficult for you to operate as a project manager.
  
  
• Goal setting can move people into action but also stop them. How often do you set goals but don't get into action? The goals must be realistic and achievable and you still will need some structures in place to get there.
  
  
• Very powerful to get people into action is to show them that you believe in their capabilities and that you value what they do. How have you felt when others have encouraged you to take action when you doubted your strength, or ability in a specific area? I bet you felt very strong, valued and got heaps of motivation to start that specific activity.
  
  
• Focusing on your strengths instead of your weaknesses will support you and make you think positive about your abilities. Thinking of my own personal strengths gives me the following top 10 (which people may add to :-)) and contributes to the motivation of achieving one of my goals for this year to set up my coaching business:
  

1. determined
2. focused
3. patient
4. innovative
5. action-oriented
6. positive
7. creative
8. analytical
9. organised
10. mood-sensitive

• And furthermore: to get into action you need a strong support team to engage with to support you in achieving your goals!
  

We want action!

When you're seeing your coach you're paying for action. For the changes you go through and the goals you achieve. But a lot of coaching is actually not about goals. Action is not always obvious or visible. Something could get in the way of action, an interference. This can be a thing, an emotion, circumstances, your perspective.

An example: Sandra has a goal, she wants to finish the book she is writing by the end of the year. She only needs 3 more weeks time to finish it and she already has written 40 pages. But writing always ends up at the bottom of her to do list. She doesn't see it happening this year (and it's only January!). Something is interfering with her goal.
After a couple of questions it looks like Sandra fears exposing herself to the outside world, the book is quite personal. This is about fear of judgement. But when she doesn't finish her book she will be unhappy!
After a couple more (action-related) questions Sandra comes timidly up with the idea of creating 1 spare hour a day to work on her book. It doesn't look like this is going to work. The action comes too early, she is not ready to commit herself to it. Sandra first needs to work on her fear of judgement. As long as that is interfering with the desire to finish her book, there is no need in picking up the writing. This session is for Sandra about awareness raising.

Your coach will show you that a lot of your interferences and thoughts are illusions and made-up by yourself. In Sandra's case the judgement has not even happened yet! But it's witholding her from writing her book and enjoying it. It is not always possible to take immediate action. Action is not always the thing we're after in coaching.