Respect vs Invalidation

Show respect for others, don't judge. How? To listen actively and by giving people space.
For ourself setting boundaries is important; we have to teach people how to treat us. How they treat us comes from how we respect ourselves. We need to create strong boundaries so that we can communicate to other people clearly. If someone does something to you and you don't like it, it is up to you to communicate this to them. When you start strengthening your boundaries, some people in your life may remove themselves out of your life. It is ok to lose unsupportive relationships!

Selfcare can support selfrespect. Standards are levels of behaviour we choose for ourselves. Standards to create respect are for example:

• be always on time
• practice honesty
  
• exercise every day
  
• boundaries in relationships.

As a coach, it is important to show respect to the client all the time.

Responding vs Reacting

When people around us do or say something that involves us - directly or indirectly - we either respond or react and there are consequences to each course of action. The same goes for when an event occurs in our life. We either respond or react to it.

In responding mode we are taking full responsibility for our actions, we have thought about the situation and chose the best approach to deal with it. In this mode you are empowered.
In reaction mode you don't have the power, it is based on resistance or opposition without much thought.

Reaction comes from judgments. Response is a choice and comes from a chosen perspective. An effective way to turn our reactions into responses is to discern our judgments behind them. Once you have clearly detected the judgment, you can choose to let the feeling and belief go, and instead, create a response.

An example: sometimes in interaction with other people you see the same patterns happening over and over again - for instance discussions with your mother unfold always rather unpleasantly. If your reaction on what she is saying and how she says it is always the same, these discussions will follow the same pattern. But if you are able to see that this is happening, you can choose a different approach and perspective to the discussions, with a careful chosen response instead of an emotional reaction.

Trust vs Doubt (2)

A story about a music teacher:

A music teacher in Australia gave all his students an A at the beginning of the Term. They didn't have to do anything for it, they just received this excellent mark. He told them that the only thing he wanted from them was just to be creative.

It freed the students from their nerves, they didn't have to go through the process of getting a good mark and doubting about their own skills, they got very motivated instead and trusted themselves to learn.

Action vs Delay

Action is the root to change. Action makes the process move forward. Action creates more action - it reduces doubt and improves trust. Life and energy are being created.
Action is only possible when you are fully committed - if people want to be coached they are ready for change. If you are stuck, any action not related to your goal is good to open a window to a solution. It gives you momentum.

Sometimes it would be good to slow down action, though...

Trust vs Doubt

Your own judgments and those from others are a source of doubt. You can hear other people say to you: 'do you think you can do that?', 'can you really make a living out of coaching?'. People tell you all the time what you should do. A coach can help you to trust yourself by empowering you to stay away from doubts.

People who complain about something are a great opportunity for coaches: there is a conversation that could be had and a chance to reframe someone's perspective on a specific situation.