If goals are not aligned with our values, we hear a lot of 'shoulds'.
To help the client with setting a structure to clarify their goals, we could ask them to describe them in a SMART way:
S= Specific. This can be done by letting the client describe the goal into smaller steps, to visualise the endpoint, to 'start close at home', to let them talk about their needs and values. A question to ask is 'what do you want the job / life / desired situation to give you?'
M= Measuable. If you don't make a goals measurable, how will you know you've achieved it? To do this you need to get the 'ingredients' of the goal. For example, if someone wants to 'get more clarity in life' then they need to clarify what would be different when they have achieved this.
A= Achievable. The role of the coach here is to check with the client if the goal is achievable by asking how the are going to achieve it. It is not our role to tell the client that a goal seems unachievable to us - that would be a projection of our judgments. But with the right questions the client can very well find out themselves whether a goal is achievable or not.
R= Realistic. We can let the client explore the spectrum of their goal; for example, we can ask someone who wants to get 12 paying clients in the coming month 'what if you would coach 3 /6 /9/12/15 clients? A visualisation can be made about the realism of this goal.
T= Time. This means we ask our clients 'by when' do you want to achieve this goal?
Friday, April 25, 2008
Enthusing clients
The key points of enthusing: it makes people feel really good about themselves, it creates positive energy and empowers to take action.
People resist to change because they are afraid to try something new, to step out of their comfort zone and because they are not sure about the outcomes. Therefore clients can be ambivalent about achieving their goals.
As a coach we might do the following to enthuse our clients:
People resist to change because they are afraid to try something new, to step out of their comfort zone and because they are not sure about the outcomes. Therefore clients can be ambivalent about achieving their goals.
As a coach we might do the following to enthuse our clients:
- ask them to visualise the achieved goal: what does it look like, describe what you see, smell, look, feel, hear.
- relive past successes: how it felt and how it would feel again
- ask what is really important to achieve this goal and ask this again and again. This way the client's values come up to the surface - we are tapping into their values
- let the client take small steps at a time
Friday, April 11, 2008
Creating Structures
Structure is the process of creating boundaries and standards around what we are doing. It is important because it creates a pattern for us to follow and allows other people to know what is expected within that structure.
Decisions to make about the structure of my coaching service are:
Decisions to make about the structure of my coaching service are:
- how long are my sessions?
- how regular?
- face to face or phone?
- how do clients pay?
- how much do they pay?
- what do I expect of my clients?
- what can they expect of me?
- the logistics of the coaching process
- what a client can expect of me:
- confidentiality
- availability
- communication
- integrity
- nonjudgmental attitude
- persistency about the client's progres
- what I ask of the client:
- timeliness
- session preparation
- completion of fieldwork
- feedback
- fees
- testimonial
- referrals
- understanding of disclaimer
Acknowledgement
Acknowledging someone is giving feedback on that that person has done something that is worth noticing. It is celebrating the process a client goes through, the results are not always the most important things.
Acknowledgment adds momentum and goes beyond compliments (as these are subjective) - it is about enabling the client to take action, to get in a positive and upwards spiral.
Some people don't have the ability to celebrate their own achievement, are unable to accept acknowledgment, feedback and compliments. Don't have an expectation of a specific reaction when acknowledging someone, just do it.
A story: a teacher asks the class a question. They all raise their hands and are willing to answer the question. Because with every answer the teacher acknowledges his students with: "Wow, I hadn't thought of it that way!". He is praising their own thinking.
Other words to acknowledge someone than "I would like to acknowledge you for ..." are:
Acknowledgment adds momentum and goes beyond compliments (as these are subjective) - it is about enabling the client to take action, to get in a positive and upwards spiral.
Some people don't have the ability to celebrate their own achievement, are unable to accept acknowledgment, feedback and compliments. Don't have an expectation of a specific reaction when acknowledging someone, just do it.
A story: a teacher asks the class a question. They all raise their hands and are willing to answer the question. Because with every answer the teacher acknowledges his students with: "Wow, I hadn't thought of it that way!". He is praising their own thinking.
Other words to acknowledge someone than "I would like to acknowledge you for ..." are:
- Wow, that seems like you have done a lot of work!
- Look how amazing this is what you have done!
- Good for you!
- Look what you have accomplished related to a month ago!
Creating Confidence - in the role of coach
We have ownership of our confidence as a coach. We don't have to be confident to show it.
What supports us to create confidence:
A Biography is short, sweet and personal. It is not a dry resume and boring. It must be honest and authentic, showing our human side.
By getting out and doing it we'll get confidence as well!
==============================
My Biography:
The business owner of Tall Tree Coaching, Evelijn Bos, has a background in Educational Science & Technology (Msc). I have worked for over 10 years in the Higher Education sector in the roles of e-learning consultant and staff development advisor. These roles have given me valuable experience in supporting adults gaining new competencies by establishing a non-threatening learning environment as well as experience in training design and delivery, working in complex organisations, working with new technologies, project management, project coordination and much more.
What supports us to create confidence:
- the preparation of a session
- listening to our client
- using our coaching model
- asking testimonials --> a testimonial can be a recommendation, or a specific experience the client went through.
- learning from past experiences
- asking for immediate feedback
- evidence that you have the skills (biography)
A Biography is short, sweet and personal. It is not a dry resume and boring. It must be honest and authentic, showing our human side.
By getting out and doing it we'll get confidence as well!
==============================
My Biography:
The business owner of Tall Tree Coaching, Evelijn Bos, has a background in Educational Science & Technology (Msc). I have worked for over 10 years in the Higher Education sector in the roles of e-learning consultant and staff development advisor. These roles have given me valuable experience in supporting adults gaining new competencies by establishing a non-threatening learning environment as well as experience in training design and delivery, working in complex organisations, working with new technologies, project management, project coordination and much more.
After immigrating to New Zealand in 2006 I started a career as a real estate salesperson, something completely different for me! I absolutely enjoyed the lifestyle and having my own business. Due to personal circumstances we moved back to Wellingtin, the 'big city', where I started to work in the field of Education again. Somehow coaching came on my path – I had that dream of working closely with people instead of technology and the desire of making a difference in someone's life, which I felt was not what I was doing by then. I started training as a coach with the International Coach Academy and what really blew me away and absolutely made the difference was the realisation that a coach works with people that are willing to change, committed to take action and have a very strong motivation coming from inside. This made me realise that I couldn't work any longer as an employee within organisations where staff are generally not open to change and innovations.
But I realised there was a world to win in supporting and coaching education professionals towards success in their personal and professional lifes. Working in the field of education can be quite challenging at times with it's strong political influences and policy changes, the fact that educational organisations are usually very large and dynamic, the output-oriented student approach which puts staff who want to deliver quality under great pressure, and the never ending stream of pedagogical and educational innovations.
And this is where I am now, on the doorstep of certification as a professional coach and establishing my coaching practice.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Underlying Automatic Commitments (UAC)
What is a UAC? A UAC is a concept that has everything to do with people who continue to have outcomes, fall into situations, or have problems and issues in their lifes which they don't want to have. Why can't these people achieve what they want, what is stopping them?
Whatever a person is truly committed to they will create and experience - these are conscious commitments. There is also another kind of commitment - the underlying commitment, which tends to be automatic or seems to be naturally part of us. Our UAC's are what continually sabotage our attempts to create a truly fulfilling life. UAC's are thoughts that are underlying to your behaviour, adopted beliefs that sabotage your goals, self-imposed sentence (you never release yourself from it).
An example: Sam, who keeps having a high work pressure, can't say no. She says no because she is afraid that her colleagues won't like her anymore if she does this. This is a negative pattern that keeps coming back in her life, because she committed herself to her belief that people will like her if she does what they want her to do. And this is her UAC.
To find UAC's we look at situations and outcomes or results in our client's life, which he doesn't want. For coaches red flag words to recognise a UAC are: 'should, always, never, not, can't '.
If you hear these words, ask for evidence and let the client prove that what they say about theirselves is true. We want to clarify what is behind the patterns of behaviour that disempowers us. By using UAC's to define these patterns clearly, we can then have a fresh perspective in order to take action outside of these old patterns of behaviour.
Some questions we could ask our clients are:
It is not interesting where the UAC originally comes from; this is more something for therapy.
Whatever a person is truly committed to they will create and experience - these are conscious commitments. There is also another kind of commitment - the underlying commitment, which tends to be automatic or seems to be naturally part of us. Our UAC's are what continually sabotage our attempts to create a truly fulfilling life. UAC's are thoughts that are underlying to your behaviour, adopted beliefs that sabotage your goals, self-imposed sentence (you never release yourself from it).
An example: Sam, who keeps having a high work pressure, can't say no. She says no because she is afraid that her colleagues won't like her anymore if she does this. This is a negative pattern that keeps coming back in her life, because she committed herself to her belief that people will like her if she does what they want her to do. And this is her UAC.
To find UAC's we look at situations and outcomes or results in our client's life, which he doesn't want. For coaches red flag words to recognise a UAC are: 'should, always, never, not, can't '.
If you hear these words, ask for evidence and let the client prove that what they say about theirselves is true. We want to clarify what is behind the patterns of behaviour that disempowers us. By using UAC's to define these patterns clearly, we can then have a fresh perspective in order to take action outside of these old patterns of behaviour.
Some questions we could ask our clients are:
- What could you be proving by having this result in your life?
- There seems to be a pattern here
- What are you truly committed to?
- What obstacles do you have to overcome?
- What is showing up instead?
It is not interesting where the UAC originally comes from; this is more something for therapy.
The Challenging Client
Not all clients are motivated, coachable, or the right client for you.
It can be not a good time for the client to move forward with certain goals and dreams. It simply can be not a good fit as well. In that case supporting the client to find a coach who could suit the client's needs better is good practice.
One way to avoid difficulties right from the start is to have clear policies and procedures which client and coach agree to abide by. These should also cover how much contact in-between coaching sessions is allowed, to manage the 'high needs and demanding clients'.
When something in the coaching session happens that doesn't feel right, it needs to be addressed immediately.
It can be not a good time for the client to move forward with certain goals and dreams. It simply can be not a good fit as well. In that case supporting the client to find a coach who could suit the client's needs better is good practice.
One way to avoid difficulties right from the start is to have clear policies and procedures which client and coach agree to abide by. These should also cover how much contact in-between coaching sessions is allowed, to manage the 'high needs and demanding clients'.
When something in the coaching session happens that doesn't feel right, it needs to be addressed immediately.
Truth Telling
Truth = Authenticity. It is living according to your values, to what is true for yourself. Not everyone experiences the same situations in the same way. As a coach you mirror back what you are seeing and then ask: is that correct? Your view can create a different perspective for the client on their truth.
Truth is not an opinion (belief), nor is truth honesty (moral issue). When interacting with clients it is important to keep in mind that our clients are either telling the truth, lying, or witholding information.
The primary reason why people do not tell the truth is fear. The truth exposes them as they really are and many people live with a deeply held fear that if they expose their real selves, and people don't like what they see, this will lead to rejection.
To discover your values you can do the following:
Truth is not an opinion (belief), nor is truth honesty (moral issue). When interacting with clients it is important to keep in mind that our clients are either telling the truth, lying, or witholding information.
The primary reason why people do not tell the truth is fear. The truth exposes them as they really are and many people live with a deeply held fear that if they expose their real selves, and people don't like what they see, this will lead to rejection.
To discover your values you can do the following:
- visualise a person you most admire
- sum up 3 qualities of that person
- these qualities are values that you think are very important - you are either living according to them right now or you want to achieve them.
- Select 15 values that truly speak to you out of the following list:
| Family Happiness | Personal Development (use of personal potential) |
| Health | Self Respect (sense of personal identity, pride) |
| Competitiveness (winning, taking risk) | Recognition (Status, recognition from others) |
| Friendship (Close relationship with others) | Advancement (promotions) |
| Affection (love, caring, etc.) | Religion/Spirituality (strong religious/spiritual beliefs) |
| Wisdom (discovering and understanding knowledge, etc) | Loyalty |
| Fame (being well known or famous) | Adventure (new challenges) |
| Achievement (a sense of accomplishment) | Sexual Orientation (having strong identity to sexual orientation) |
| Wealth (getting rich, making money) | Involvement (belonging, being involved with other people |
| Economic Serenity | Economic Security |
| Freedom (independence and autonomy) | Pleasure (fun, laughs, a leisurely lifestyle) |
| Integrity (honest, sincerity, standing up for oneself) | Power (control, authority, or influence over others) |
| Inner Harmony (being at peace with oneself) | Responsibility (being accountable for results) |
| Creativity (being imaginitive, innovative) | Order (stability, conformity, and tranquillity) |
| Helpfulness (helping others, improving society) | Gender (having strong identity to gender) |
| Cooperation (working well with others, teamwork) | Culture (race or ethnicity identity) |
| ... | ... |
- Narrow it down to the top 10
- From your top 10 list, select the five that are most important to you
- From the list of your top five values you must select the top one, the one out of all the rest that speaks to you. Do not discard the rest, they are still important to you, you just want to select the one that when all else fails, you revert to. This is what your life is oriented around.
- Write a definition for each of your top five values
- Print the result of your work and refer to it often
Quick coaching
Below is a model that can be used for a quick coaching experience during a trial session - individually or in a group.
Afterwards ask:
| Box 1 | Box 2 | Box 3 | Box 4 | Box 5 |
| Write down a goal you have. It can be a goal from any area of your life, a goal that feels important to you. | For how long have you had this goal? A month, a year, several years or all of your life? | This far, what has been your greatest obstacle in achieving this goal? | What specific activities have you undertaken during the last 24 hours in order to achieve your goal? | You might need to give this a bit more thought. What is it with this goal that makes you want to achieve it? How does it make you feel when you achieve this goal? |
| Look at your goal again. You don’t have to tell me what it is. | Have you been thinking about your goal for a long time? Has it often been on your mind? | Have you come with excuses or blamed yourself or others for not reaching the goal? Let’s go to #4 instead. This box is not so fun to stay in. | Has the goal been so important to you that you recently have made changes to your lifestyle in order for you to get on step closer to your goal? | Again, how does it feel when you achieve this goal? Isn’t it so that this is what you truly want, your real goal? Could this be an important value in your life? |
Afterwards ask:
What is a step you can take during the coming month in order to move closer to achieving your goal?
How does this all feel so far?
Respect vs Invalidation
Show respect for others, don't judge. How? To listen actively and by giving people space.
For ourself setting boundaries is important; we have to teach people how to treat us. How they treat us comes from how we respect ourselves. We need to create strong boundaries so that we can communicate to other people clearly. If someone does something to you and you don't like it, it is up to you to communicate this to them. When you start strengthening your boundaries, some people in your life may remove themselves out of your life. It is ok to lose unsupportive relationships!
Selfcare can support selfrespect. Standards are levels of behaviour we choose for ourselves. Standards to create respect are for example:
For ourself setting boundaries is important; we have to teach people how to treat us. How they treat us comes from how we respect ourselves. We need to create strong boundaries so that we can communicate to other people clearly. If someone does something to you and you don't like it, it is up to you to communicate this to them. When you start strengthening your boundaries, some people in your life may remove themselves out of your life. It is ok to lose unsupportive relationships!
Selfcare can support selfrespect. Standards are levels of behaviour we choose for ourselves. Standards to create respect are for example:
- be always on time
- practice honesty
- exercise every day
- boundaries in relationships.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
