This is the last post of this blog. I have transferred the most interesting content to my coaching business website - there it functions as different 'coach flashes'.
It has been a great journey, now it's time to build!
Hope to see you back at http://www.nzcoachingretreats.com or http://ttcoaching.nl
Cheers,
Evelyn
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Coaching Process (2)
Another phase in the coaching process is the 'honeymoon' phase, where everything is exciting and full of energy. It is laying the foundation before the hard stuff will be tackled. The real work begins after the honeymoon phase. So building trust is important and using the time to get to know the process. Also easy stuff and actions first.
There will be a shift in the balance of who is driving the sessions. After the honeymoon phase the client drives. A coach can tell her client that she expects him to drive more and more.
Challenges for the coach in the honeymoon phase:
There will be a shift in the balance of who is driving the sessions. After the honeymoon phase the client drives. A coach can tell her client that she expects him to drive more and more.
Challenges for the coach in the honeymoon phase:
- to get the relationship working
- to keep the phase short
- sometimes the honeymoon comes back every session first
Coaching Process (1)
The start of the coaching process is focused on:
- building a relationship and confidence,
- setting the foundation,
- creating trust and credibility,
- clarifying roles and responsibilities,
- exitement for the client, seeing opportunities ahead
- introduction of structure and method
- expectation setting.
- asking the right questions
- a client who doesn't know what to be coached on
- a client who describes his goal in terms of 'should' (red flag!)
- a client with a hidden agenda (possible with executive coaching)
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Underlying Automatic Commitments (UAC) (2)
IDENTIFY
Identify your negative life patterns (lifetraps – see for examples the Universal Lifetraps p2). As it is common for people to have more than one negative life pattern, start with the pattern that has a high presence in your life.
SURRENDER
Question your lifetrap: as long as you believe in your own lifetrap, you are unable to change it with the negative self-defeating life pattern as a result. To do this create a list with all 'evidence' pro and con your lifetrap. Prove your arguments! What happens now with your assumptions, opinions and beliefs?
ESCAPE
Study into detail how you continually sabotage your attempts to get away of your negative life pattern: what are your reactions to certain situations? How do you respond? How could you change your behaviour?
COUNTER-ATTACK
Break through your pattern. Now that you have identified your lifetrap, you are able to make a choice whether or not to remain a 'victim' of it, or take responsibility by addressing it. Challenge yourself to break through your pattern 3 times in the coming week by testing your own suggestions to change as identified in step 3. Afterwards: What happened? What are your experiences?
CELEBRATE
Take some time to celebrate your achievements! Working on your negative life patterns requires persistance and commitment to reflect upon your own behaviour. You're on your way, so you deserve a great treat!
Universal Lifetraps
"Please Don't Leave Me!": The Abandonment Lifetrap
You have the feeling that the people you love most will abandon you or will die. You hang on to them and get angry if you get the feeling that they reject you, but that's causing you to push them away.
"I Can't Trust You": The Mistrust and Abuse Lifetrap
You are convinced that people will hurt you or abuse you. You are hiding behind a wall of mistrust to protect yourself.
"I'll Never Get the Love I Need": The Emotional Deprivation Lifetrap
You think that nobody really loves you or understands your feelings. You are attracted to people who are quite coolly and reserved and that's how you are too. You feel angry, lonely and hurt.
"I Don't Fit In": The Social Exclusion Lifetrap
You feel isolated, you don't belong to a specific group. You avoid groups or friends. You feel unwanted and lonely.
"I Can't Make It on My Own": The Dependence Lifetrap
You don't feel able to survive without the help of others. You are searching for people who can direct you and giving them the responsibilities of your life.
"Catastrophe Is About to Strike": The Vulnerability Lifetrap
You are living with the fear that disaster can strike any moment. Life doesn't feel safe, you are very scared. You have always been very protected in your life.
"I'm Worthless": The Defectiveness Lifetrap
You feel damaged from the inside and believe that you are not worth to be loved; you are ashamed of yourself. You expect rejection and are afraid of intimacy.
"I Feel Like Such a Failure": The Failure Lifetrap
You think that you are not able to achieve something. You blow your failures out of proportions and sabotage yourself.
"I Always Do It Your Way": The Subjugation Lifetrap
Out of guilt or fear you push away your own desires and put those of others first. You build relationships with dominant, prevailing people or with people who didn't get their share in life and who haven't much to offer you.
"It's Never Quite Good Enough": The Unrelenting Standards Lifetrap
You are striving for the highest achievements possible and are very critical. Less than the top isn't good enough, actually nothing is good enough, really.
"I Can Have Whatever I Want": The Entitlement Lifetrap
You always want to have it your way and think that your needs are more important than those of others. You are impulsive and don't have much self-discipline. You feel undervalued.
Resources: Opzij (March 2008), Yeffrey E. Young & Janet S. Klosko: How to break free from negative life patterns?
Friday, April 25, 2008
Goal Setting
If goals are not aligned with our values, we hear a lot of 'shoulds'.
To help the client with setting a structure to clarify their goals, we could ask them to describe them in a SMART way:
S= Specific. This can be done by letting the client describe the goal into smaller steps, to visualise the endpoint, to 'start close at home', to let them talk about their needs and values. A question to ask is 'what do you want the job / life / desired situation to give you?'
M= Measuable. If you don't make a goals measurable, how will you know you've achieved it? To do this you need to get the 'ingredients' of the goal. For example, if someone wants to 'get more clarity in life' then they need to clarify what would be different when they have achieved this.
A= Achievable. The role of the coach here is to check with the client if the goal is achievable by asking how the are going to achieve it. It is not our role to tell the client that a goal seems unachievable to us - that would be a projection of our judgments. But with the right questions the client can very well find out themselves whether a goal is achievable or not.
R= Realistic. We can let the client explore the spectrum of their goal; for example, we can ask someone who wants to get 12 paying clients in the coming month 'what if you would coach 3 /6 /9/12/15 clients? A visualisation can be made about the realism of this goal.
T= Time. This means we ask our clients 'by when' do you want to achieve this goal?
To help the client with setting a structure to clarify their goals, we could ask them to describe them in a SMART way:
S= Specific. This can be done by letting the client describe the goal into smaller steps, to visualise the endpoint, to 'start close at home', to let them talk about their needs and values. A question to ask is 'what do you want the job / life / desired situation to give you?'
M= Measuable. If you don't make a goals measurable, how will you know you've achieved it? To do this you need to get the 'ingredients' of the goal. For example, if someone wants to 'get more clarity in life' then they need to clarify what would be different when they have achieved this.
A= Achievable. The role of the coach here is to check with the client if the goal is achievable by asking how the are going to achieve it. It is not our role to tell the client that a goal seems unachievable to us - that would be a projection of our judgments. But with the right questions the client can very well find out themselves whether a goal is achievable or not.
R= Realistic. We can let the client explore the spectrum of their goal; for example, we can ask someone who wants to get 12 paying clients in the coming month 'what if you would coach 3 /6 /9/12/15 clients? A visualisation can be made about the realism of this goal.
T= Time. This means we ask our clients 'by when' do you want to achieve this goal?
Enthusing clients
The key points of enthusing: it makes people feel really good about themselves, it creates positive energy and empowers to take action.
People resist to change because they are afraid to try something new, to step out of their comfort zone and because they are not sure about the outcomes. Therefore clients can be ambivalent about achieving their goals.
As a coach we might do the following to enthuse our clients:
People resist to change because they are afraid to try something new, to step out of their comfort zone and because they are not sure about the outcomes. Therefore clients can be ambivalent about achieving their goals.
As a coach we might do the following to enthuse our clients:
- ask them to visualise the achieved goal: what does it look like, describe what you see, smell, look, feel, hear.
- relive past successes: how it felt and how it would feel again
- ask what is really important to achieve this goal and ask this again and again. This way the client's values come up to the surface - we are tapping into their values
- let the client take small steps at a time
Friday, April 11, 2008
Creating Structures
Structure is the process of creating boundaries and standards around what we are doing. It is important because it creates a pattern for us to follow and allows other people to know what is expected within that structure.
Decisions to make about the structure of my coaching service are:
Decisions to make about the structure of my coaching service are:
- how long are my sessions?
- how regular?
- face to face or phone?
- how do clients pay?
- how much do they pay?
- what do I expect of my clients?
- what can they expect of me?
- the logistics of the coaching process
- what a client can expect of me:
- confidentiality
- availability
- communication
- integrity
- nonjudgmental attitude
- persistency about the client's progres
- what I ask of the client:
- timeliness
- session preparation
- completion of fieldwork
- feedback
- fees
- testimonial
- referrals
- understanding of disclaimer
Acknowledgement
Acknowledging someone is giving feedback on that that person has done something that is worth noticing. It is celebrating the process a client goes through, the results are not always the most important things.
Acknowledgment adds momentum and goes beyond compliments (as these are subjective) - it is about enabling the client to take action, to get in a positive and upwards spiral.
Some people don't have the ability to celebrate their own achievement, are unable to accept acknowledgment, feedback and compliments. Don't have an expectation of a specific reaction when acknowledging someone, just do it.
A story: a teacher asks the class a question. They all raise their hands and are willing to answer the question. Because with every answer the teacher acknowledges his students with: "Wow, I hadn't thought of it that way!". He is praising their own thinking.
Other words to acknowledge someone than "I would like to acknowledge you for ..." are:
Acknowledgment adds momentum and goes beyond compliments (as these are subjective) - it is about enabling the client to take action, to get in a positive and upwards spiral.
Some people don't have the ability to celebrate their own achievement, are unable to accept acknowledgment, feedback and compliments. Don't have an expectation of a specific reaction when acknowledging someone, just do it.
A story: a teacher asks the class a question. They all raise their hands and are willing to answer the question. Because with every answer the teacher acknowledges his students with: "Wow, I hadn't thought of it that way!". He is praising their own thinking.
Other words to acknowledge someone than "I would like to acknowledge you for ..." are:
- Wow, that seems like you have done a lot of work!
- Look how amazing this is what you have done!
- Good for you!
- Look what you have accomplished related to a month ago!
Creating Confidence - in the role of coach
We have ownership of our confidence as a coach. We don't have to be confident to show it.
What supports us to create confidence:
A Biography is short, sweet and personal. It is not a dry resume and boring. It must be honest and authentic, showing our human side.
By getting out and doing it we'll get confidence as well!
==============================
My Biography:
The business owner of Tall Tree Coaching, Evelijn Bos, has a background in Educational Science & Technology (Msc). I have worked for over 10 years in the Higher Education sector in the roles of e-learning consultant and staff development advisor. These roles have given me valuable experience in supporting adults gaining new competencies by establishing a non-threatening learning environment as well as experience in training design and delivery, working in complex organisations, working with new technologies, project management, project coordination and much more.
What supports us to create confidence:
- the preparation of a session
- listening to our client
- using our coaching model
- asking testimonials --> a testimonial can be a recommendation, or a specific experience the client went through.
- learning from past experiences
- asking for immediate feedback
- evidence that you have the skills (biography)
A Biography is short, sweet and personal. It is not a dry resume and boring. It must be honest and authentic, showing our human side.
By getting out and doing it we'll get confidence as well!
==============================
My Biography:
The business owner of Tall Tree Coaching, Evelijn Bos, has a background in Educational Science & Technology (Msc). I have worked for over 10 years in the Higher Education sector in the roles of e-learning consultant and staff development advisor. These roles have given me valuable experience in supporting adults gaining new competencies by establishing a non-threatening learning environment as well as experience in training design and delivery, working in complex organisations, working with new technologies, project management, project coordination and much more.
After immigrating to New Zealand in 2006 I started a career as a real estate salesperson, something completely different for me! I absolutely enjoyed the lifestyle and having my own business. Due to personal circumstances we moved back to Wellingtin, the 'big city', where I started to work in the field of Education again. Somehow coaching came on my path – I had that dream of working closely with people instead of technology and the desire of making a difference in someone's life, which I felt was not what I was doing by then. I started training as a coach with the International Coach Academy and what really blew me away and absolutely made the difference was the realisation that a coach works with people that are willing to change, committed to take action and have a very strong motivation coming from inside. This made me realise that I couldn't work any longer as an employee within organisations where staff are generally not open to change and innovations.
But I realised there was a world to win in supporting and coaching education professionals towards success in their personal and professional lifes. Working in the field of education can be quite challenging at times with it's strong political influences and policy changes, the fact that educational organisations are usually very large and dynamic, the output-oriented student approach which puts staff who want to deliver quality under great pressure, and the never ending stream of pedagogical and educational innovations.
And this is where I am now, on the doorstep of certification as a professional coach and establishing my coaching practice.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Underlying Automatic Commitments (UAC)
What is a UAC? A UAC is a concept that has everything to do with people who continue to have outcomes, fall into situations, or have problems and issues in their lifes which they don't want to have. Why can't these people achieve what they want, what is stopping them?
Whatever a person is truly committed to they will create and experience - these are conscious commitments. There is also another kind of commitment - the underlying commitment, which tends to be automatic or seems to be naturally part of us. Our UAC's are what continually sabotage our attempts to create a truly fulfilling life. UAC's are thoughts that are underlying to your behaviour, adopted beliefs that sabotage your goals, self-imposed sentence (you never release yourself from it).
An example: Sam, who keeps having a high work pressure, can't say no. She says no because she is afraid that her colleagues won't like her anymore if she does this. This is a negative pattern that keeps coming back in her life, because she committed herself to her belief that people will like her if she does what they want her to do. And this is her UAC.
To find UAC's we look at situations and outcomes or results in our client's life, which he doesn't want. For coaches red flag words to recognise a UAC are: 'should, always, never, not, can't '.
If you hear these words, ask for evidence and let the client prove that what they say about theirselves is true. We want to clarify what is behind the patterns of behaviour that disempowers us. By using UAC's to define these patterns clearly, we can then have a fresh perspective in order to take action outside of these old patterns of behaviour.
Some questions we could ask our clients are:
It is not interesting where the UAC originally comes from; this is more something for therapy.
Whatever a person is truly committed to they will create and experience - these are conscious commitments. There is also another kind of commitment - the underlying commitment, which tends to be automatic or seems to be naturally part of us. Our UAC's are what continually sabotage our attempts to create a truly fulfilling life. UAC's are thoughts that are underlying to your behaviour, adopted beliefs that sabotage your goals, self-imposed sentence (you never release yourself from it).
An example: Sam, who keeps having a high work pressure, can't say no. She says no because she is afraid that her colleagues won't like her anymore if she does this. This is a negative pattern that keeps coming back in her life, because she committed herself to her belief that people will like her if she does what they want her to do. And this is her UAC.
To find UAC's we look at situations and outcomes or results in our client's life, which he doesn't want. For coaches red flag words to recognise a UAC are: 'should, always, never, not, can't '.
If you hear these words, ask for evidence and let the client prove that what they say about theirselves is true. We want to clarify what is behind the patterns of behaviour that disempowers us. By using UAC's to define these patterns clearly, we can then have a fresh perspective in order to take action outside of these old patterns of behaviour.
Some questions we could ask our clients are:
- What could you be proving by having this result in your life?
- There seems to be a pattern here
- What are you truly committed to?
- What obstacles do you have to overcome?
- What is showing up instead?
It is not interesting where the UAC originally comes from; this is more something for therapy.
The Challenging Client
Not all clients are motivated, coachable, or the right client for you.
It can be not a good time for the client to move forward with certain goals and dreams. It simply can be not a good fit as well. In that case supporting the client to find a coach who could suit the client's needs better is good practice.
One way to avoid difficulties right from the start is to have clear policies and procedures which client and coach agree to abide by. These should also cover how much contact in-between coaching sessions is allowed, to manage the 'high needs and demanding clients'.
When something in the coaching session happens that doesn't feel right, it needs to be addressed immediately.
It can be not a good time for the client to move forward with certain goals and dreams. It simply can be not a good fit as well. In that case supporting the client to find a coach who could suit the client's needs better is good practice.
One way to avoid difficulties right from the start is to have clear policies and procedures which client and coach agree to abide by. These should also cover how much contact in-between coaching sessions is allowed, to manage the 'high needs and demanding clients'.
When something in the coaching session happens that doesn't feel right, it needs to be addressed immediately.
Truth Telling
Truth = Authenticity. It is living according to your values, to what is true for yourself. Not everyone experiences the same situations in the same way. As a coach you mirror back what you are seeing and then ask: is that correct? Your view can create a different perspective for the client on their truth.
Truth is not an opinion (belief), nor is truth honesty (moral issue). When interacting with clients it is important to keep in mind that our clients are either telling the truth, lying, or witholding information.
The primary reason why people do not tell the truth is fear. The truth exposes them as they really are and many people live with a deeply held fear that if they expose their real selves, and people don't like what they see, this will lead to rejection.
To discover your values you can do the following:
Truth is not an opinion (belief), nor is truth honesty (moral issue). When interacting with clients it is important to keep in mind that our clients are either telling the truth, lying, or witholding information.
The primary reason why people do not tell the truth is fear. The truth exposes them as they really are and many people live with a deeply held fear that if they expose their real selves, and people don't like what they see, this will lead to rejection.
To discover your values you can do the following:
- visualise a person you most admire
- sum up 3 qualities of that person
- these qualities are values that you think are very important - you are either living according to them right now or you want to achieve them.
- Select 15 values that truly speak to you out of the following list:
| Family Happiness | Personal Development (use of personal potential) |
| Health | Self Respect (sense of personal identity, pride) |
| Competitiveness (winning, taking risk) | Recognition (Status, recognition from others) |
| Friendship (Close relationship with others) | Advancement (promotions) |
| Affection (love, caring, etc.) | Religion/Spirituality (strong religious/spiritual beliefs) |
| Wisdom (discovering and understanding knowledge, etc) | Loyalty |
| Fame (being well known or famous) | Adventure (new challenges) |
| Achievement (a sense of accomplishment) | Sexual Orientation (having strong identity to sexual orientation) |
| Wealth (getting rich, making money) | Involvement (belonging, being involved with other people |
| Economic Serenity | Economic Security |
| Freedom (independence and autonomy) | Pleasure (fun, laughs, a leisurely lifestyle) |
| Integrity (honest, sincerity, standing up for oneself) | Power (control, authority, or influence over others) |
| Inner Harmony (being at peace with oneself) | Responsibility (being accountable for results) |
| Creativity (being imaginitive, innovative) | Order (stability, conformity, and tranquillity) |
| Helpfulness (helping others, improving society) | Gender (having strong identity to gender) |
| Cooperation (working well with others, teamwork) | Culture (race or ethnicity identity) |
| ... | ... |
- Narrow it down to the top 10
- From your top 10 list, select the five that are most important to you
- From the list of your top five values you must select the top one, the one out of all the rest that speaks to you. Do not discard the rest, they are still important to you, you just want to select the one that when all else fails, you revert to. This is what your life is oriented around.
- Write a definition for each of your top five values
- Print the result of your work and refer to it often
Quick coaching
Below is a model that can be used for a quick coaching experience during a trial session - individually or in a group.
Afterwards ask:
| Box 1 | Box 2 | Box 3 | Box 4 | Box 5 |
| Write down a goal you have. It can be a goal from any area of your life, a goal that feels important to you. | For how long have you had this goal? A month, a year, several years or all of your life? | This far, what has been your greatest obstacle in achieving this goal? | What specific activities have you undertaken during the last 24 hours in order to achieve your goal? | You might need to give this a bit more thought. What is it with this goal that makes you want to achieve it? How does it make you feel when you achieve this goal? |
| Look at your goal again. You don’t have to tell me what it is. | Have you been thinking about your goal for a long time? Has it often been on your mind? | Have you come with excuses or blamed yourself or others for not reaching the goal? Let’s go to #4 instead. This box is not so fun to stay in. | Has the goal been so important to you that you recently have made changes to your lifestyle in order for you to get on step closer to your goal? | Again, how does it feel when you achieve this goal? Isn’t it so that this is what you truly want, your real goal? Could this be an important value in your life? |
Afterwards ask:
What is a step you can take during the coming month in order to move closer to achieving your goal?
How does this all feel so far?
Respect vs Invalidation
Show respect for others, don't judge. How? To listen actively and by giving people space.
For ourself setting boundaries is important; we have to teach people how to treat us. How they treat us comes from how we respect ourselves. We need to create strong boundaries so that we can communicate to other people clearly. If someone does something to you and you don't like it, it is up to you to communicate this to them. When you start strengthening your boundaries, some people in your life may remove themselves out of your life. It is ok to lose unsupportive relationships!
Selfcare can support selfrespect. Standards are levels of behaviour we choose for ourselves. Standards to create respect are for example:
For ourself setting boundaries is important; we have to teach people how to treat us. How they treat us comes from how we respect ourselves. We need to create strong boundaries so that we can communicate to other people clearly. If someone does something to you and you don't like it, it is up to you to communicate this to them. When you start strengthening your boundaries, some people in your life may remove themselves out of your life. It is ok to lose unsupportive relationships!
Selfcare can support selfrespect. Standards are levels of behaviour we choose for ourselves. Standards to create respect are for example:
- be always on time
- practice honesty
- exercise every day
- boundaries in relationships.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Pondering questions
Things to consider to incorporate in my coaching practice yes/no:
- Business website or blog or both?
- Second niche - teachers and technology?
- Foundation session on 'values'?
- Business name
- Methods of payment?
- Good quality headset
- Client Management System?
- Feedback on bio?
- Assessments for clients - related to target group?
- Podcasts?
- Teleseminars?
- Coaching gym?
- e-coaching?
Goals and values
As a coach, we support our clients in creating value-based goals. Before any goals can be set, the client must first determine what their values are. By creating goals based on our values we ensure the optimal return on our investment of time and energy, because our success will be in the areas that matter the most to us.
Quite often people make goals for themselves that are not aligned to their values. They may feel pressure from others such as family, friends and peers. Making a goal because it is expected of you is unlikely to result in success and joy.
How to align values and goals? By asking over and over again 'what is important about achieving this goal?'. The criterias that clients use are their values. And bringing that insight to clients about what their true values are will support clients in chosing their own goals.
Quite often people make goals for themselves that are not aligned to their values. They may feel pressure from others such as family, friends and peers. Making a goal because it is expected of you is unlikely to result in success and joy.
How to align values and goals? By asking over and over again 'what is important about achieving this goal?'. The criterias that clients use are their values. And bringing that insight to clients about what their true values are will support clients in chosing their own goals.
Responding vs Reacting
When people around us do or say something that involves us - directly or indirectly - we either respond or react and there are consequences to each course of action. The same goes for when an event occurs in our life. We either respond or react to it.
In responding mode we are taking full responsibility for our actions, we have thought about the situation and chose the best approach to deal with it. In this mode you are empowered.
In reaction mode you don't have the power, it is based on resistance or opposition without much thought.
Reaction comes from judgments. Response is a choice and comes from a chosen perspective. An effective way to turn our reactions into responses is to discern our judgments behind them. Once you have clearly detected the judgment, you can choose to let the feeling and belief go, and instead, create a response.
An example: sometimes in interaction with other people you see the same patterns happening over and over again - for instance discussions with your mother unfold always rather unpleasantly. If your reaction on what she is saying and how she says it is always the same, these discussions will follow the same pattern. But if you are able to see that this is happening, you can choose a different approach and perspective to the discussions, with a careful chosen response instead of an emotional reaction.
In responding mode we are taking full responsibility for our actions, we have thought about the situation and chose the best approach to deal with it. In this mode you are empowered.
In reaction mode you don't have the power, it is based on resistance or opposition without much thought.
Reaction comes from judgments. Response is a choice and comes from a chosen perspective. An effective way to turn our reactions into responses is to discern our judgments behind them. Once you have clearly detected the judgment, you can choose to let the feeling and belief go, and instead, create a response.
An example: sometimes in interaction with other people you see the same patterns happening over and over again - for instance discussions with your mother unfold always rather unpleasantly. If your reaction on what she is saying and how she says it is always the same, these discussions will follow the same pattern. But if you are able to see that this is happening, you can choose a different approach and perspective to the discussions, with a careful chosen response instead of an emotional reaction.
My Coaching Model
I have been working on the design and refinement of my coaching model, see below for the backbone of my coaching process and some more explanation:
I believe that the journey to who you really are and the discovery of what you really want is the hart of the coaching process. Through your personal experiences in life and the way you interact with the people that surround you, chances are that you have forgotten how it feels when your motivation and your drivers come from inside you. Only when you know what drives you are you able to define and achieve the goals that suit you personally.
I believe that the journey to who you really are and the discovery of what you really want is the hart of the coaching process. Through your personal experiences in life and the way you interact with the people that surround you, chances are that you have forgotten how it feels when your motivation and your drivers come from inside you. Only when you know what drives you are you able to define and achieve the goals that suit you personally.
During the coaching process you will reflect continuously on the steps you take, the goals you set for yourself, the things you achieve, your drivers and values that become stronger and make you grow.
To achieve your goals you will identify a path to close the gap between where you are now and where you want to be. This could be a plan with certain steps that you want to take or an overview where you break down your main goal in smaller and more achievable goals. And to be able to follow the path you've identified you will need to put in place some necessary structures; this could be the establishment of a certain support structure that works for you or the removal of obstacles that prevent you from achieving your goals.
All together it means that you are ready to take action, and that you are committed to change those things in your life that you decided needed to be changed in order to have a fulfilling personal and professional life. Along the way I will encourage you to celebrate your growth; it takes courage to start a coaching process and to undergo the journey to discover what you really want. You are taking responsibility for you own life and decisions, which is something to be very proud of.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Welcome Pack
A well organised coach has put certain structures in place to inform her clients about the coaching process. This means that my clients can expect to receive the following information:
Directly after scheduling a trial session (Intro Pack):
After signing up (Coaching Pack):
Directly after scheduling a trial session (Intro Pack):
- Information about 'what is coaching'
- Information about me and my coaching model
- Information about the coaching process and 'logistics'
- Policies & Procedures
After signing up (Coaching Pack):
- ICF Code of Ethics
- Invoice
- Intake Form
- Session Preparation Form
- Feedback and Evaluation Form
- Release of Confidential Information Form (for International Coach Federation accreditation purposes)
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The art of coaching (2)
- Let the client lead the session
- The client is right no matter what
- Don't be directive
- Listen what questions the client is asking herself - often without knowing it. Bring those questions back to the client by asking them.
Trust vs Doubt (2)
A story about a music teacher:
A music teacher in Australia gave all his students an A at the beginning of the Term. They didn't have to do anything for it, they just received this excellent mark. He told them that the only thing he wanted from them was just to be creative.
It freed the students from their nerves, they didn't have to go through the process of getting a good mark and doubting about their own skills, they got very motivated instead and trusted themselves to learn.
A music teacher in Australia gave all his students an A at the beginning of the Term. They didn't have to do anything for it, they just received this excellent mark. He told them that the only thing he wanted from them was just to be creative.
It freed the students from their nerves, they didn't have to go through the process of getting a good mark and doubting about their own skills, they got very motivated instead and trusted themselves to learn.
Action vs Delay
Action is the root to change. Action makes the process move forward. Action creates more action - it reduces doubt and improves trust. Life and energy are being created.
Action is only possible when you are fully committed - if people want to be coached they are ready for change. If you are stuck, any action not related to your goal is good to open a window to a solution. It gives you momentum.
Sometimes it would be good to slow down action, though...
Action is only possible when you are fully committed - if people want to be coached they are ready for change. If you are stuck, any action not related to your goal is good to open a window to a solution. It gives you momentum.
Sometimes it would be good to slow down action, though...
Friday, February 29, 2008
The art of coaching
Coaching is not about having the right questions. It is about giving your client 1 hour of your life. Listening unconditionally without judgment. The coach's main concern should be the clients performance, not her own. Don't start to act as a consultant, don't come up with solutions. Give the client an hour of silence that they can fill themselves; as a coach you are totally there for your client.
Trust yourself and get started!
In my second coaching session with Emma (me being the client) we talked about who my ideal client would be. Ofcourse I didn't have an answer on that question, but we unravelled a few things:
And I've got a challenge: I have to call at least 2 people who I will offer my coaching services (pro bono). EEKS!!! But I have 2 people in mind, so let's go for it!
- That real estate salespeople have their own specialisation: they work either in the residential sales area, rural or commercial field. Who do I want to serve? Food for thought.
- That my plan is to offer my services to the average real estate salesperson, the top agent, their management and groups of salespersons. Is there something these target groups have in common? Do I need to address them differently? Do I want to focus on just one of those groups? More food for thought.
And I've got a challenge: I have to call at least 2 people who I will offer my coaching services (pro bono). EEKS!!! But I have 2 people in mind, so let's go for it!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Coaching Model (3)
Again, a coaching model is there to offer structure to the coach. But a coach shouldn't stick to a coaching model too much. If a client wants to achieve a certain goal and is working on that with his coach, it could very well be that halfway the coaching process a shift takes place towards a slightly different goal. Goals are forever changing, therefore the coach must be flexible with goals and the way her coaching model deals with goal-setting and goal-achieving.
A very powerful question for a client who want to reach a specific goal is: 'what is stopping you from achieving your goal?'
A coach has to let go of the idea of 'the coaching has to come from me', 'I have to be good this session', 'I have to plan the whole coaching session, I have to be prepared'. The source of these thoughts are fear of lack of control and lack of faith in her own abilities. Coaches must be able to just let go. A coaching model can undermine natural and just in time coaching by giving too much structure.
Also clients don't always come to the session and tell their coach where to go today. So it is important to do what is right at the time; it is not necessary to have a pre-defined model and coaching process.
A very powerful question for a client who want to reach a specific goal is: 'what is stopping you from achieving your goal?'
A coach has to let go of the idea of 'the coaching has to come from me', 'I have to be good this session', 'I have to plan the whole coaching session, I have to be prepared'. The source of these thoughts are fear of lack of control and lack of faith in her own abilities. Coaches must be able to just let go. A coaching model can undermine natural and just in time coaching by giving too much structure.
Also clients don't always come to the session and tell their coach where to go today. So it is important to do what is right at the time; it is not necessary to have a pre-defined model and coaching process.
Trust vs Doubt
Your own judgments and those from others are a source of doubt. You can hear other people say to you: 'do you think you can do that?', 'can you really make a living out of coaching?'. People tell you all the time what you should do. A coach can help you to trust yourself by empowering you to stay away from doubts.
People who complain about something are a great opportunity for coaches: there is a conversation that could be had and a chance to reframe someone's perspective on a specific situation.
People who complain about something are a great opportunity for coaches: there is a conversation that could be had and a chance to reframe someone's perspective on a specific situation.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
My niche
The ICA coaches are being encouraged to focus on a specific target group and to narrow down their prospective market within the field they want to be coaching.
In other words: coaches have to identify a niche. Some examples: a lifecoach who is coaching married couples, a business coach who focusses on retail marketing, an executive coach dealing with executives who are travelling much and have difficulties to keep fit, a spiritual coach who is targeting ministers (church).
For some coaches it will be quite obvious what their niche will be, because they have been around in a particular field themselves in a certain role. For others identifying their niche can be a real journey.
From a marketing point of view having a niche is as good as gold! As soon as you know your target market you can start communication with this target market with the right tools and instruments.
Talking about niches: my own niche will be the New Zealand Real Estate Industry, with real estate salespersons and management being the target groups. Abstract from my business plan:
Tall Tree Coaching aims to deliver one-on-one and group coaching targeting real estate professionals working for real estate companies in New Zealand.
In other words: coaches have to identify a niche. Some examples: a lifecoach who is coaching married couples, a business coach who focusses on retail marketing, an executive coach dealing with executives who are travelling much and have difficulties to keep fit, a spiritual coach who is targeting ministers (church).
For some coaches it will be quite obvious what their niche will be, because they have been around in a particular field themselves in a certain role. For others identifying their niche can be a real journey.
From a marketing point of view having a niche is as good as gold! As soon as you know your target market you can start communication with this target market with the right tools and instruments.
Talking about niches: my own niche will be the New Zealand Real Estate Industry, with real estate salespersons and management being the target groups. Abstract from my business plan:
Tall Tree Coaching aims to deliver one-on-one and group coaching targeting real estate professionals working for real estate companies in New Zealand.
People working in the (New Zealand) real estate industry as salespersons all own their own sole-trader business and have a contract with one real estate company to list and sell properties for this specific company.
Real estate salespersons are available 24/7 for their businesses, a source of work-life balance frictions. Only a few make it to the top and 80% of the new salespersons quit in their first year of operating their business. The profession is mainly commission-based, which creates a highly competitive working environment, not just between companies but also between salespersons working in the same branch.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Coaching Model (2)
In search for a suitable coaching model for a coach it is important that it is their natural model. A coach must do what comes naturally to her and she shouldn't stick too much to the model - that shouldn't be the focus.
To find a good coaching model the coach can start with thinking of how she wants to set up the coaching session, and what is absolutely necessary for her to happen in every session. Central in a session could be:
To find a good coaching model the coach can start with thinking of how she wants to set up the coaching session, and what is absolutely necessary for her to happen in every session. Central in a session could be:
- clarity
- getting the story
- listen a lot
- silence
- action
- goal setting
- etc.
Coaching Model
Most coaches work with their own or an existing coaching model. Quite often the coach will choose a model that suits the client, which makes the model different every time.
A clear coaching model is a good instrument for the coach to market herself, as coaches usually work very intuitively and the model helps to explain to the client what the coach is doing.
The model works on the other hand beneficial for the coach as well: it provides her with a structure and creates a framework for the sessions. It builds confidence. But for the client the coaching style is much more important than the coaching model.
An example of a very simple coaching model (the simpler the better!):
One of the graduation requirements for me is the development of my own coaching model.
A clear coaching model is a good instrument for the coach to market herself, as coaches usually work very intuitively and the model helps to explain to the client what the coach is doing.
The model works on the other hand beneficial for the coach as well: it provides her with a structure and creates a framework for the sessions. It builds confidence. But for the client the coaching style is much more important than the coaching model.
An example of a very simple coaching model (the simpler the better!):
- Where are we now?
- What do you (client) want to achieve?
- What is getting in the way?
One of the graduation requirements for me is the development of my own coaching model.
I have found my own coach
I have also had a trial session with another coach - afterwards I was ready for a shower, because I've experienced myself that being coached is really hard work! As a client you do at least 80% of the talking plus all the thinking that comes with coaching.
At the end of the trial session my coach Emma and I decided that we could go forward with each other in a coaching relationship. She will be my coach for 12 sessions and we'll focus on establishing my coaching business.
I am getting lots of inspiration having a coach like Emma myself, not in the least related to the coaching method and tools Emma is using: she has sent me a welcome pack with:
At the end of the trial session my coach Emma and I decided that we could go forward with each other in a coaching relationship. She will be my coach for 12 sessions and we'll focus on establishing my coaching business.
I am getting lots of inspiration having a coach like Emma myself, not in the least related to the coaching method and tools Emma is using: she has sent me a welcome pack with:
- information about her coaching process and style, so I know what I can expect of her and what is expected from me
- policies and procedures
- the coaching agreement
- a client intake form (questionnaire)
- a session preparation form - to be submitted before every coaching session
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
My own very first trial session
Today I have had my first trial session, in the role of a client. One of the graduation requirements is that every student needs to be coached by at least one student coach for the duration of 12 sessions.
In a trial session the client and the coach try to find out whether there could be a fruitful coaching relationship, while at the same time the client gets a taste of what coaching can do for him.
I wanted to be coached on building my coaching business, so that was the focus of this trial session. My coach asked me various (difficult!) questions, like:
It was great to experience coaching in action and being on the other side - as a client. I became very aware of the fact that as a client it is necessary to commit yourself to the coaching process and the fieldwork that comes out of it as a result. No way that you are going to achieve your goals otherwise! You have to work for it. So as a client you need to reserve time to actually work on your goals!
It is up to me now whether I want to continue with this coach. I will be having another trial session with a different coach later this week, but this has been a great experience already.
In a trial session the client and the coach try to find out whether there could be a fruitful coaching relationship, while at the same time the client gets a taste of what coaching can do for him.
I wanted to be coached on building my coaching business, so that was the focus of this trial session. My coach asked me various (difficult!) questions, like:
- what do you want to accomplish with your business?
- what are your goals?
- what are the tools you will need?
- what is your niche?
- how do you want to enter the market?
It was great to experience coaching in action and being on the other side - as a client. I became very aware of the fact that as a client it is necessary to commit yourself to the coaching process and the fieldwork that comes out of it as a result. No way that you are going to achieve your goals otherwise! You have to work for it. So as a client you need to reserve time to actually work on your goals!
It is up to me now whether I want to continue with this coach. I will be having another trial session with a different coach later this week, but this has been a great experience already.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Effective feedback (2)
Not many people can give good feedback. Quite often it is too rude, judgmental and subjective. Especially written feedback can be really difficult to give, because it is black and white and without any non-verbal expressions.
Be brave and learn from any feedback - positive and negative - by choosing what part of the feedback you'll accept.
One way of giving feedback is that your coach states what she's just observed, but also adds to that the impact the information or behaviour had. And by asking you: "Was it what you intended to have?". If not, you can work on changing your behaviour.
Role-play is another technique in providing you feedback. This way you can easily practice a difficult conversation for example. You can play yourself or you can play the person you want to have a conversation with and your coach will play the role of you. Role-playing works great to face your worst fear. You play your future self against your present self which will give you an authentic experience. It helps you to prepare for any eventuality. You can play the same conversation over and over again or with different possible reactions. And if you want to your coach can video or record the conversations for you to take home and digest.
Be brave and learn from any feedback - positive and negative - by choosing what part of the feedback you'll accept.
One way of giving feedback is that your coach states what she's just observed, but also adds to that the impact the information or behaviour had. And by asking you: "Was it what you intended to have?". If not, you can work on changing your behaviour.
Role-play is another technique in providing you feedback. This way you can easily practice a difficult conversation for example. You can play yourself or you can play the person you want to have a conversation with and your coach will play the role of you. Role-playing works great to face your worst fear. You play your future self against your present self which will give you an authentic experience. It helps you to prepare for any eventuality. You can play the same conversation over and over again or with different possible reactions. And if you want to your coach can video or record the conversations for you to take home and digest.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Effective feedback
Giving effective and good feedback is a very important skill for a coach: when applied appropriately, feedback can open up whole new opportunities for you. A good coach will ask you for permission to give feedback: "May I give you some feedback on this issue?"
Feedback is not offering an opinion. It is neutral and objective and does not contain judgment. Sometimes feedback can be hard. Your coach will then try to prepare you before she is giving the feedback (and after asking permission first!): "My feedback is not meant to be embarrassing, but can be hard for you".
The following is an example of good effective feedback:
Coach: "I have noticed that you are not returning your coaching forms. Furthermore you are calling in late and you haven't done all of the tasks we agreed on. What do you think your level of commitment is at the moment? Do you think it is a good time for you to be coached?
Feedback is about simply telling you what has been observed. The coach states what they notice and then listens to your response to follow up even further.
Feedback is not offering an opinion. It is neutral and objective and does not contain judgment. Sometimes feedback can be hard. Your coach will then try to prepare you before she is giving the feedback (and after asking permission first!): "My feedback is not meant to be embarrassing, but can be hard for you".
The following is an example of good effective feedback:
Coach: "I have noticed that you are not returning your coaching forms. Furthermore you are calling in late and you haven't done all of the tasks we agreed on. What do you think your level of commitment is at the moment? Do you think it is a good time for you to be coached?
Feedback is about simply telling you what has been observed. The coach states what they notice and then listens to your response to follow up even further.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Trial session (2)
As you probably know a trial session is almost a 'must' to learn more about what coaching can mean for you personally. It is a taste really of what you can expect from your coach. But more important, it's also about a match between you and your coach: does it feel right with this person?
In case your coach to be is a friend of yours, you both have to define what the coaching relationship will look like. But again it has to feel right! The coach must suit the client and vice versa. If not, you are better off with someone else with a different style.
In case your coach to be is a friend of yours, you both have to define what the coaching relationship will look like. But again it has to feel right! The coach must suit the client and vice versa. If not, you are better off with someone else with a different style.
Friday, January 25, 2008
We want action (2)!
Getting back to Sandra with her desire to write a book but not taking the time to actually do it (see post: We want action!), after her coaching session she went through a pattern of emotions: she felt vulnerable by sharing her thoughts and fears about being judged, she got angry with herself about not finishing her book, she went through a stage of realisation and in the end was quite grateful for going through this process. And that all within 1 week time.
Your coach has a range of power tools available that she can use to get you into action. Some examples:
Your coach has a range of power tools available that she can use to get you into action. Some examples:
- Showing you that you are Responding vs Reacting. When you are reacting on a situation you are in a passive mode, and not taking responsibility for your actions. Whereas you are responding in a situation you are in control, even reframing perhaps and willing to create action. An example: your manager gives you the role of project manager of a specific project, but you have to meet almost impossible deadlines. A rushed feeling can be a reaction to this situation, as well as acceptance and trying to get all the work done in time, although you know that you have to work long hours and stretch yourself and your project team. A response can be that you go to your manager and discuss with him his project management methods and setting these tight deadlines, which make it very difficult for you to operate as a project manager.
- Goal setting can move people into action but also stop them. How often do you set goals but don't get into action? The goals must be realistic and achievable and you still will need some structures in place to get there.
- Very powerful to get people into action is to show them that you believe in their capabilities and that you value what they do. How have you felt when others have encouraged you to take action when you doubted your strength, or ability in a specific area? I bet you felt very strong, valued and got heaps of motivation to start that specific activity.
- Focusing on your strengths instead of your weaknesses will support you and make you think positive about your abilities. Thinking of my own personal strengths gives me the following top 10 (which people may add to :-)) and contributes to the motivation of achieving one of my goals for this year to set up my coaching business:
- determined
- focused
- patient
- innovative
- action-oriented
- positive
- creative
- analytical
- organised
- mood-sensitive
- And furthermore: to get into action you need a strong support team to engage with to support you in achieving your goals!
Friday, January 18, 2008
We want action!
When you're seeing your coach you're paying for action. For the changes you go through and the goals you achieve. But a lot of coaching is actually not about goals. Action is not always obvious or visible. Something could get in the way of action, an interference. This can be a thing, an emotion, circumstances, your perspective.
An example: Sandra has a goal, she wants to finish the book she is writing by the end of the year. She only needs 3 more weeks time to finish it and she already has written 40 pages. But writing always ends up at the bottom of her to do list. She doesn't see it happening this year (and it's only January!). Something is interfering with her goal.
After a couple of questions it looks like Sandra fears exposing herself to the outside world, the book is quite personal. This is about fear of judgement. But when she doesn't finish her book she will be unhappy!
After a couple more (action-related) questions Sandra comes timidly up with the idea of creating 1 spare hour a day to work on her book. It doesn't look like this is going to work. The action comes too early, she is not ready to commit herself to it. Sandra first needs to work on her fear of judgement. As long as that is interfering with the desire to finish her book, there is no need in picking up the writing. This session is for Sandra about awareness raising.
Your coach will show you that a lot of your interferences and thoughts are illusions and made-up by yourself. In Sandra's case the judgement has not even happened yet! But it's witholding her from writing her book and enjoying it. It is not always possible to take immediate action. Action is not always the thing we're after in coaching.
An example: Sandra has a goal, she wants to finish the book she is writing by the end of the year. She only needs 3 more weeks time to finish it and she already has written 40 pages. But writing always ends up at the bottom of her to do list. She doesn't see it happening this year (and it's only January!). Something is interfering with her goal.
After a couple of questions it looks like Sandra fears exposing herself to the outside world, the book is quite personal. This is about fear of judgement. But when she doesn't finish her book she will be unhappy!
After a couple more (action-related) questions Sandra comes timidly up with the idea of creating 1 spare hour a day to work on her book. It doesn't look like this is going to work. The action comes too early, she is not ready to commit herself to it. Sandra first needs to work on her fear of judgement. As long as that is interfering with the desire to finish her book, there is no need in picking up the writing. This session is for Sandra about awareness raising.
Your coach will show you that a lot of your interferences and thoughts are illusions and made-up by yourself. In Sandra's case the judgement has not even happened yet! But it's witholding her from writing her book and enjoying it. It is not always possible to take immediate action. Action is not always the thing we're after in coaching.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Reframe your perspective
Everyone has a certain view on the world, a perspective. Compare it with a filter or sunglasses through which you see the world. Your perspective determines your experiences in life. Once you understand and recognise that you have a perspective, you can take responsibility for the reception of your 'truth'. It gives you the power to change your perspective and to choose a new perspective. It gives you the power to turn something negative eventually into something positive, to transform yourself from survivor into driver. Into someone who is in control and takes responsibility for his own actions.
And this is the hart of reframing: if you master the art of reframing your perspective you are able to be more successful. Commonly used frames are: 'I'm a victim', 'what's in it for me?' 'It's not my fault', 'I can't help it'.
Which perspective is currently hindering you? Which perspective would enable you to reach your goals?
Your coach doesn't want to dig deeper into your problems. Coaching is focusing on solutions, focusing on the future instead of what lies behind you. This solution-centrered perspective has a huge impact on the questions your coach will be asking you, like: what are you doing already to improve your situation? And your coach will try with you to change your perspective on something that is causing you problems.
And this is the hart of reframing: if you master the art of reframing your perspective you are able to be more successful. Commonly used frames are: 'I'm a victim', 'what's in it for me?' 'It's not my fault', 'I can't help it'.
Which perspective is currently hindering you? Which perspective would enable you to reach your goals?
Your coach doesn't want to dig deeper into your problems. Coaching is focusing on solutions, focusing on the future instead of what lies behind you. This solution-centrered perspective has a huge impact on the questions your coach will be asking you, like: what are you doing already to improve your situation? And your coach will try with you to change your perspective on something that is causing you problems.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
A Taste: The Trial Session
A trial session is a perfect instrument to get a taste for what coaching can mean for you as a client. Without any obligations you'll get the opportunity to learn to know the person behind the coach and the coach's approach to find out whether there is a 'fit'. In a trial session you usually start with sharing some background information to build the relationship. And to get the coaching session started there are some great questions which help you focus, like the following:
As this is your first taste of a real coaching session you'll be asked for feedback whether you found the coaching valuable and whether you are willing to commit to taking the defined steps and achieving your goal. If yes then there really was a match between the client and the coach: the client agrees that coaching could make a strong positive impact in their life and the coach would love to support the client on achieving their goals.
Be aware of the fact that coaching can take place in a face to face situation, but more and more happens through the telephone! That opens possibilities, doesn't it? If you happen to be in The Netherlands and your coach in New Zealand the only challenge you have to face is finding a suitable time slot :-)
- What is the one goal you would like to achieve in the next thirty days?
- What have you always wanted to do that you've never done?
- If you don't win the lottery, what will you do with your life?
As this is your first taste of a real coaching session you'll be asked for feedback whether you found the coaching valuable and whether you are willing to commit to taking the defined steps and achieving your goal. If yes then there really was a match between the client and the coach: the client agrees that coaching could make a strong positive impact in their life and the coach would love to support the client on achieving their goals.
Be aware of the fact that coaching can take place in a face to face situation, but more and more happens through the telephone! That opens possibilities, doesn't it? If you happen to be in The Netherlands and your coach in New Zealand the only challenge you have to face is finding a suitable time slot :-)
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The client in control
Clients are in control of their own coaching and learning process. As a coach I don't set the agenda, I ask 'what would you like to be coached on today?'. How much the coach has the desire to 'help' the client, it is the client's life and he or she doesn't want to live my life. It is totally unimportant what I myself should do, should I be in the same situation as my client. I don't come up with solutions, I listen very carefully to what is being said (and what not) instead.
Very important is the ability to be non-judgemental. Our judgements and opinions are about ourselves and our own life-journey, not about the person being coached.
Very important is the ability to be non-judgemental. Our judgements and opinions are about ourselves and our own life-journey, not about the person being coached.
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